Toddler Potty Training
I have come to the conclusion, as a parent, that potty training is a test of wills, a battle of wits, a war between ages, and kind of a silly concept when broken down to its barest, most simplest form.
Which is... teaching a small person that they need to be more comfortable taking their business into another, much smaller, room where it is taken care of in a specific location: the toilet, or the potty.
As opposed to taking their business where ever they are and whenever they want. Being cleaned up only as soon as an innocent bystander smells or sees the results of said business.
 |
| Possible Potty Training Starter Kit |
As opposed to taking their business where ever they are and whenever they want. Being cleaned up only as soon as an innocent bystander smells or sees the results of said business.
In other words, parents have to convince these little toddlers that pooping and peeing in their pants, the only thing they have known since the moment they exited their safe haven, is no longer acceptable and must stop as soon as possible.
Basically stating that they are tired of changing those diapers, paying for those diapers and the diapers gotta go. (And it's smelly and unpleasant for all involved when urination or bowel movements take place in such a way).
Stages of Potty Training
1. Introduction
It is customary to start potty training with some sort of introduction. A parent cannot just slap some "undies" on that little bum and expect it to know the rules and regulations of using the john.
Therefore, parents start with potty training subliminal messaging.
- Books that just happen to be about potty training
- Discussing becoming a "big boy/girl"
- Comparing behaviors & attitudes of "babies" to "big boys/girls"
- Potty suddenly appears in bathroom
- Visual tour of all parts and purposes of newly appearing potty
- (on several occasions)
- Pointing out all public restrooms in passing
- Randomly throughout the day inquiring about potty tendencies
- "Are you pooping?"
- "Are you peeing?"
- "Are you thinking about the potty?"
- "Big boy/girl undies" suddenly appear
Toddlers are headstrong and ready to become like their mommies and daddies or their older siblings or the older people all around them every day. So, this sense of wanting to prove their abilities and their independence plays a major factor in the world of potty training.
If toddlers are told that only babies take their business in their pants and big boys and girl take it to the bathroom, well for a short and beautiful period of time that toddler is going to want to sit on that potty ALL THE TIME to prove that they can do what other big kids do.
2. Repetition
Once the introduction stage has passed, the parent then moves onto the repetitive stage of Verifying will and desire to "potty". This stage is tricky because it is setting up the next stage and if not done appropriately, toddler reverts back to pre-introductory stage and process must be started over.
Essentially, this stage is when the parent sends out constant reminders to their toddler of the potty's existence by repetitively asking whether or not the toddler feels like they need to "potty" in place of "pee" or "poop" from previous stage.
- "Do you have to/want to poop in the potty?" vs. "Are you pooping?"
- "Do you have to/want to pee in the potty?" vs. "Are you peeing?"
- "Do you think you want to try out your potty?"
- "It's potty time!"
- "Time to use that new potty!"
Many preschool & daycare programs that use potty training in their "curriculum" will tell parents not to ask their children if they need to use the potty. They feel that the toddlers will more often then not say "no" and continue with whatever activity they are taking part in.
This concept of not asking the toddlers leads to the idea that by having scheduled potty "sessions" at the same times and intervals every day of the week will get the toddler into the habit of using the toilet as opposed to their pants.
In my opinion, in a school setting where teachers are few and children are many, and potty training can take for (virtually) ever, it is easier for the teachers to use this method. This way they are not left fighting with the children, trying to get a straight answer out of them as to whether they do or do not feel the urge to go. Instead, the children are trained that after breakfast, it's potty time. After lunch & before nap, it's potty time. After nap and before snack, it's potty time. After outside play or reading or circle or whatever time, it's potty time. The children are trained to remember all those trips that they are making into the bathroom whether they have to do some business or not.
The problem with this method, however, is that if the child/children do not use the potty at these designated times, they are too early on in the game to know to tell someone that they feel nature's call. And welcome to .....
3. Habit building!
 |
| Making that potty time fun! |
Because toddlers are used to being able to relieve themselves at their leisure and someone else dealing with the stench and the mess while they pick their nose, tell nonsense tales of things that never happened or don't make sense, and/or make changing their diaper the worst part of your entire day (possibly life), it is very easy to understand that they would have a hard time remembering to tell someone that they gotta go before they go.
Hence the repetitive questions and interrogation by parents in order to figure out their toddler's pottying habits and routines, facial expressions, strange noises and blank stares. Once these warning signs have been memorized, parents can tell before the accidents happen that its time to scoop up that wee babe and throw them on the pot before they blow.
Because the parents are recognizing the signs on behalf of the child, they are called to the attention of the toddler, who then will become familiar with them and recognize the habit of going to the potty once those feelings start.
Usually around this time parents will also start initiating the Gift initiative.
Usually around this time parents will also start initiating the Gift initiative.
4.Gift Initiative
This stage in potty training involves adorning the child in such trivial presents as stickers, stamps, temporary tattoos, pennies, pieces of candy, cookies, high fives, hugs, kisses and rainbows and butterflies. These little gifts are a parent's way of telling their child "You did it! Do it again! ... and again... and again.. and again... forever... please."
In a simple comparison, the child is the dog and the parent is Pavlov.
Child either uses, attempts to use, or pretends to use the potty then they get a treat for some kind of effort whether genuine or feigned.
The treat let's the child know that there is some kind of reward to be had in this potty training process, aside from the satisfaction that would come with not defecating or urinating in one's pants.
However, all of this beautiful success and planning and progress with potty training is in vain, because the entirety of the "program" is...
5.Crash and burn/Trial and error
To really get the toddler in the habit of using the potty it is a good idea to put the parent in a super uncomfortable spot: they have to put their toddler in underwear, knowing that they will poop and/or pee in those underwear and quite possibly on the floor, couch, armchair, bed, coffee table, kitchen table, carpet, dog's bed, your bed, in a laundry basket full of freshly washed clothes, the grocery store cart, your car, on your in-laws freshly cleaned, white, berber carpets, etc. By doing this, if said accidents occur, the child is shown that it is imperative they recognize that potty time is coming... or else they will suffer a very messy incident.
Toddler's are not comfortable after an accident has occurred. They are wet and smelly. They want to be cleaned and changed and refreshed afterwards. This process takes time, and usually results in a very frustrated (not to mention, depending on location, embarrassed) Mommy and/or Daddy.
Perhaps if the situation is explained clearly and concisely in a way the toddler will understand, they might further understand the severity of said matter. These underwear are not diapers and they are only for "big boys/girls" who want to use the potty. Usually, the idea here, is to use this form of psychology to help the toddler feel like they MUST use the potty to reach the point of being a "big kid".
And then the real effort starts. They don't want that uncomfortable, messy, hassle of wetting or pooping themselves. So, they begin to put the pieces together, while you continue to clean up the missing ones from all over the house.
6. False successes
7. Mini-successes
8. Starting over
And even after all of a parent's "success" in the potty training process, there comes a time in all potty training experiences where the little snuggly, bundles of love decide that they have had enough. They simply go on a Potty-Training-Hiatus.
Conversations during this time may go like this:
Mommy: Little Betty-Jane.....you've been playing dollies for a little while now. Let's go use the potty, okay?
Little BJ: No.
Mommy: Are you sure? We can read books on the potty... ? Hmmmm?
Little BJ: No. I'm pwaying wit ma daw-weehs.
Mommy: I know you are honey, but bring a dolly with you and we'll read books with your dolly on the potty. And then you can have a cookie afterwards with a tall glass of chocolate milk.
Little BJ: YAY! Chocwate mealk! Coo-keys!
Mommy:Well, Little Betty-Jane, first potty then cookies and chocolate milk. Let's go! Yay! Potty time!
Little BJ: NO! I won chocwate mealk en coo-key! I don-juan potty!
Mommy: But Little Betty, my love, I thought we were going to use the potty. Let's do that first and then we can have our treats!
Little BJ: NO POTTY! I DON-JUAN POTTY!
Mommy: Honey, potty first, treats after. Bring your dolly. Ready? Let's go, big girl!
Little BJ: No! NO! .... uh.. ooooh.... Mommy?
Mommy: Oh no, what?
Little BJ: Saw-wee Mommy, I peed.... sniff sniff....
9.REAL successes
Then later on things start to click and work out, because you were patient and took things one day at a time!
 |
| Oh yeah! Great job kid! |
10.Grand finale
There will always be a few accidents here and there, but as time goes by with patience and a dual effort on the part of the parents and the child, potty training will eventually become a success.
 |
| Hooray! Success! |
Ultimately, potty training is the longest 1-2 (maybe 3) years of a parent's life. When all is said and done though, both come out a little changed for the better.
The parents are weathered and worn from the constant reminders and close-calls. The preparation time of making sure you have spare underwear, clothes, socks, shoes, diapers (in case of an emergency), plastic bags for storing "accident attire," extra hand-sanitizer, wipes, whatever else you can think of when leaving the house while potty training. Parents are stealthier and sneakier from keeping one eye on what their doing and another on that toddler for any signs of having to go. And the parents have become patient, understanding and nurturing in the active learning process of potty training, that they just experienced with their little baby.
Toddlers have become great negotiators, successful pottiers, more independent and more responsable for their actions, choices and decisions.
Are you just starting potty training? Just finished? Know someone somewhere on the course of potty training? Well, good luck to you and/or them and congratulations, as well!
Whatever you do, don't freak out! It's just poo. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment
Thank you for your comments. I sincerely appreciate each and every one of them.